Can I rant for a little bit? haha thanks.

Hey there. I need to rant, and this seems like the perfect spot to do so :) i hope you don't mind.

so, let me start off by saying I honestly love school (NHS..NIGHTHAWKS). The teachers are AHHHHHMAZING <3, the workload is a tad bit much, but w/e. The only thing I can't stand about school are the cliques. Ahh..they drive me insaine. I don't fit in with a clique, becasue, well I guess you could call me a "loner". I don't have many friends or many people I can lean back on and trust. I am always second guessing people, trying to make sure they are the person they said they are. I have been hurt SO MANY TIMES..i've actually lost count.

People are RUDE. MEAN. LIARS. the list just goes on and on and on. The reason I don't have many friends is becasue of this girl I use to be friends with turned a good majority of them against me. Over the past 6 years I've lived in Newtown I have probably only met 5 people who are actually my really good friends..and 2 of them are teachers :/ haha. over the past couple of years I've been through SO MUCH CRAP...more crap then most people experience in their entire life time.

Or maybe I don't have friends becasue I'm really picky. I'm sorry..I just don't want to get hurt. Its hard not having someone to lean back on, and be there for you when you need someone to talk to. This is why I love blogging. I just assume people are listening and actually care about what I have to say.

SECRET TIME.....i mean...secret time. So as i have said before, I've been through a lot in the past years that i have lived in Newtown. So, i have tried to run away, take the pain away, do things I do regret. But the best part is, I am still here today. And I am telling my story. I'm alive, and I may not always be happy...but thats life.

Tags: blog, crazy, life, my, rant

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Comment by Crystal Jewel on January 20, 2011 at 4:22pm: Any time hun if you ever need to talk message me or something <3

Comment by Jen on January 20, 2011 at 4:18pm: Hi Crystal!

Your story is so inspirational. Thank you soo much for sharing it :)

Comment by Crystal Jewel on January 20, 2011 at 2:45pm: Hi Jen I'm Crystal.

I'm kinda new to this Awsome site. Life is hard been there done that. I am from California blah blah I moved here to Ct my senior year of highschool, but before being here In highschool there in Cali i was a "Loner" myself i was picky an outcast so you could say I loved going to school it took alot of the pain away from what was going on at home at the time. So School was a get away point until one day i woke up and was like i don't want to be a loner anymore I started hanging out with the "cool" crowed so they called them selfs. little background i grew up with a little brother who was Mentally disabled and Retarded He died when i was 10 he was 8 That is what shyed me away from making friends getting close to anyone. Well when i got tired of being a "loner" i went to the "cool" kids and it was cool at first everyone liked me so i thought but one day they started picking on this one kid who was mentally dissabled and I unfortanitly joined in( I'm not proud of myself) Well some people saw what the "cool" kids were doing and how they were picking on him and they reported it to the office, all the kids went and pointed there fingers at me and I took all the blame I covered for every single one of them. But that right there showed me i wasn't that person wasnt If being in a clique ment being mean to someone thats just not who i am. I got suspended from school for 4 days and when i got back i went up to the kid at lunch and i told him i was so sorry for what i had said to him that day he got up from the table and looked at me and he gave me a hug and said that it's ok that he forgives me and that if i would like to join him for lunch so i sat down and i ate with him for the rest of the lunch and everyday till summer i would eat lunch with him we were outsiders together. Cliques are no good they aren't worth it and its hard to find true friends but when you find them you got to hold on to them. Dont worry about what others think You are who you are don't let others judge you. Your a strong person and dont ever change that. :) sorry its kinda long..

Comment by Jen on December 22, 2010 at 4:28pm: Thanks Alicia!! :)

Comment by Alicia Messina on December 22, 2010 at 2:13pm: screw those people jen! never lose sight of who you really are just to fit in because at the end of the day wouldnt you rather be hated for who you are then loved for you who arent???

Keep your head high and ignore anyone who tries to make you feel less than them, if people have nothing better to do than talk bad about you or turn people against you they obviously have nothing better to do with their time. You can only feel sorry for those kind of people. Just be glad you arent one of them. :-)

Comment by Jen on December 22, 2010 at 6:19am: Thanks Troy! That means a lot to me :)

Comment by Troy Neves on December 21, 2010 at 6:21pm: Jen, first of all you know I'm always here for you. Second, you're inspiring! and third, this takes a lot of guts to share, good for you :)